All of my life, I have held myself to incredible performance standards which propel me far but not as far as I know that I can truly go.
I cut myself off at the knees and think things like, “Well, those things worked because you were fortunate. Don’t go any further or people will see you for who you really are.” That last part… That fear of being “exposed” has haunted me my whole life. It has affected everything from personal relationships to passion projects. Remember Real Women Give?
So, this year, I decided to center my heart on the idea that I am enough. Period. I decided that I would live out my dream, love harder, and give more in 2017 because I am enough and I have enough. I believed those words in my heart and soul until last week. In an unexpected moment, everything seemed to crash on my shoulders. BAM. Suddenly, I felt like I being “enough” wasn’t going to cut it.
How did I get to that point? I couldn’t see it in that moment but I realized that I opened myself up to comparison. I got lost scrolling through my timeline on Facebook and suddenly felt so incomplete and insignificant. Looking through post after post of perfect families, incredible friendships, glamorous trips, and more made me feel like nothing that I was doing was adding up. Of course, I recognized it as an attack from hell, but it was so real! Real and scary.
So, how did I bounce back? First, my husband told me reassured me that everything would be okay. Second, I chose to replace the negative thoughts in my head with this scripture.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.” – Hebrews 12:1-2
You see, I took my eyes off of my own lane, started looking at what everyone else was doing, got tripped up, and fell flat on my face! God calls each of us to our own specific purpose and destiny. I had to remind myself that I am enough to run my own race and when I fail, God’s strength will push me along.